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No. 005
Fig. 005. Coffea sicarius

No. 005 · Italian brainrot

Cappuccino Assassino

Coffea sicarius

A cappuccino cup trained as a ninja, with a katana in each hand.

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Field data

Habitat
Shadows, the café counter after close
First observed
Spring 2025
Diet
Rivals. Never decaf.
Call
Silence, then the hiss of a steam wand
Composition
Cappuccino, 1. Katanas, 2.

Conservation status

Vulnerable

Field notes

The only specimen here that counts as both a threat and a morning routine. Lore pairs him with Ballerina Cappuccina. Sightings cluster around closing time.

At the printer

Print the katanas on their own so the blades come out clean.

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